Ate like a normal person this weekend. Stopped counting calories and that was huge it made all the other behaviors go away. It was ok for the first few days but today I feel like a fat pig. I need to start restricting and purging again. I don't want to get fat. I don't know why. I guess because fat is gross and means I am not practicing self control. Idk. I can't get fat.
I meant new girls today, Lierin and Joy were closest to my age but there's a million kids and only like 5 or 6 families in the church. I love it. Anyway Joy is amazing she's 23 and courting a guy from Wisconsin, its soo cute! She's such a strong Christian. I hope to see her again soon, I really enjoyed talking with her. I think she saw that I was uneasy about eating. She asked me twice if I was ok. After we had eaten. I think I had the scared/pondering/ disgusted look on my face. I only ate a [really delicious] salad and a small portion of ziti. But then I had 2 slices of pie, and 2 squares of cake..sigh. then I came home and ate 2 slices of pizza and 2 chicken wings and I was soo full. I didn't need to eat again what's wrong with me?? I had to purge it. Then I ate some more after that :( fat ass dumb shit!! I hate you!
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